It has been awhile. Did you miss me?
It’s true, I’ve sort of been avoiding this blog like the plague. I got into the habit of blogging multiple times a week, and I also got into the habit of sharing my heart on here. I post a lot of fun, silly things too, but when something is heavy on my heart, it usually ends up spilling out onto this blog. I mean, that is why I didn’t give my blog a specific focus in the first place. I just wanted this place to be somewhere where I could share anything I wanted to…whether that be my opinion on the bachelorette finale, or my opinion on Jesus.
I have never been someone who holds their cards close to their chest. Maybe that is just because I never felt like I had to? But life has definitely taken me to a place where I don’t always feel like being transparent anymore. When life is hard…every day…you kind of start to feel like a downer. So I have avoided blogging because I have had some things weighing very heavily on my heart…things that I didn’t feel like sharing. I will now though.
Many of you know that it’s been a hard year for me and my family. I’ve written on here a little bit about the company we are starting, and how it requires us to travel a lot, etc. Things have been difficult. We totally did not choose this path, God put us on it. Because it has been so different than anything I’ve ever experienced, it has just been hard sometimes. It has required a lot of sacrifice. I am learning to trust God in ways that I never really had to in the past, and honestly, I am grateful for that…but it doesn’t make life any easier.
Over the last year or so that my family has been building this company, we have been repeatedly let down by people who have tried to take advantage of us, have lied to us, or just haven’t supported us. God has continued to open doors and help us overcome every hurdle. He has continually affirmed what we are doing, but this process has left me with a very skeptical view of people.
Do you know how hard it is to work your butt off and have someone try to steal the thing you have worked for? To work your butt off and have someone with a false sense of entitlement try to take advantage of you? To have friends, or people you have respected, lie to you, undermine you, and bad-mouth you when they don’t get what they want?
Because I know (my family knows) what that feels like.
Okay…you get it…I am tired of people letting us down. It makes life really frustrating. blahblahblah
So here is what has been on my heart: With all of the let-downs we have had with our company, I am left needing a really good support group…and sadly, I’ve been really let down by a lot of people that I thought would be in that group.
The lack of interest from those I counted as “close,” is hurtful. And you know what, if I am being honest here, it’s embarrassing too. There’s nothing quite like the realization that you don’t mean as much as you thought you did to a friend.
So you know what? Enough with the one-sided relationships. I am tired of caring a whole lot about what everyone else is going through and giving them my support, when those people don’t seem to care at all about what I am dealing with. I don’t have control over whether some “Business Man” comes into our lives and tries to steal our business. I do, however, have control over the people I let stay in my life.
I have friends that check in on me (& I with them), and we share our lives with each other. I cherish those people, I intend to keep those people. They know what the meaning of friendship is so they get my friendship in return.